Ask Charley
by obi-glasses
Summary: Charlene Davidson answers your questions about the Biker Mice from Mars. She will not, however, set you up on dates with them. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Charley-_

_I've been having relationship problems with my boyfriend for a while. I'm a General, you see, and we're both fighting a war against a race of bad guys trying to take over the planet. Lately our relationship has been strained, since we're both so devoted to our jobs and barely have any time for each other. Do you have any advice?_

_-Lonely_

To Lonely,

Make time. Put your job in the hands of a subordinate and take a vacation. Just because _you _aren't in the top seat doesn't mean your world's gonna be destroyed overnight.

Also, _PLEASE,_ at least TRY not to be fooled by Plutarkian plots to discredit your boyfriend and his comrades. Honestly. Sometimes Martians are dumber than wet socks.

* * *

_Dear Charley,_

_I've been trying to get this girl's attention for a while but it doesn't seem to be working. I've rescued her from evil henchmen, made dinner, even given her flowers anonymously- but she still blows me off! Help!_

_-Sincerely Trying_

To Trying,

Get your head out of your ass and grab a cookbook. Honestly, Vinnie! You're a TERRIBLE cook. And don't give me daisies next time! Especially when you've just picked them from Andy's weedy patch of tulips!

* * *

_Dear Charley,_

_Ever since I took a *ahem* extended vacation from my home planet, my mother's been bugging me about having grandchildren. I like kids, but I haven't found a good woman to have them with yet. Any tips on getting her off my back?_

_-Annoyed Bachelor_

To Bachelor,

(finishes CCing copy of your letter to your mother) Sorry, I don't think I can help you there.

Heh. That'll teach ya to snip at me for missing a spot on your precious bike.

* * *

_If you'd like your Biker Mice-related question answered by Charley, PM me. Remember- questions submitted as reviews won't be answered!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Charley,_

_My uncle and his buddies are the best fighters on Mars. Some even say they're the best in Martian history. How's a guy supposed to make a name for himself, if he's stuck in his uncle's shadow?_

_Signed,_

_Insecure_

To Insecure,

Remember that fighting doesn't always have to entail going out and getting shot at. Technology nowadays has boomed to the point where hacking enemy computers is a desirable and growing business.

Also, you miiiiight want to work on not getting captured every single time you come to Earth.

_Dear Charley,_

_Is Modo gay?_

_-Curious_

To Curious,

(since Charley was laughing too hard to type properly, Throttle has volunteered to answer) No. He is completely, absolutely, one-hundred-percent a lover of women. He's also a lover of lesbiaAAHHHHHHLGLJHGDJSHGFKJG!

(we'll be right back after the commercial break)

_Dear Charley,_

_Can Martians get fleas? _

_-Doesn't Want To Be Itchy_

To DWTBI,

Yes, unfortunately they can. Your best hope for getting rid of a case of fleas is a mineral salt bath, followed by a bath with professional-grade flea soap. Although I've been told this is tantamount to torture, it works pretty well.

_Dear Charley_

_This may seem like a weird question, but do Martians masturbate?  
_

_-Acting On A Dare_

To AOAD,

(Charley passed out from laughter, so the resident expert AKA Vinnie will answer) Yep. Joyfully and often, especially around the months of July and December.

_If you'd like your question about the Biker Mice answered, just wap up my PM inbox. :D_


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Charley,  
unfortunately someone stole my idea to ask if the bros masturbate, so my question is: what is your favourite Queen song?_

_-Musically Inclined_

To Inclined,

"Another One Bites the Dust". The lyrics confuse the hell out of me, but I like it anyways.

_

* * *

__Dear Charley,_

Is it a tiring job to keep those three fed and to keep up with the repairs when they total your garage? Do you ever feel like dumping them with someone else just for a day or two to get your mind together?

~Concerned Citizen

To Citizen,

Oh Lord, sometimes I feel ten years older than I really am after dealing with those three. But it's all worth it in the end.. occasionally however I lock the last deadbolt on the door so Throttle can't get in with his keys, and then I just sit and relax in my tub and listen to the wonderful music of Throttle screaming obscenities at the door.. they can survive a day without me, they're not babies after all.

_

* * *

__Dear Charley- _

_Can Martians and Plutarkians reproduce and have babies?_

_-Hopeful_

To Hopeful,

(bleack)

I suppose it's possible, but I shudder to think what the offspring would look like.

_

* * *

_

_You can haz answer if I can haz PM message! :3_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Charley,_

Which mouse is your favorite?

-Curious Citizen

Throttle stared down at the letter, the tension in the room increasing dramatically.

"Me," Vinnie said abruptly.

"No, _me,_" Modo interrupted, overhearing Throttle reading the letter out loud.

"Actually, since we're more temparamentally similar, I think I'm probably her favorite," Throttle reasoned.

The three mice stared at each other before exploding into shouts of "ME! NO, ME! ME ME ME ME!" and dogpiling into a truly epic, no-holds-barred full-fisted fight complete with kicks to the gut.

Charley stepped out of her bedroom and, hearing the commotion, bolted down the stairs to see the three mice brawling on the floor. She stepped over them and looked down at the letter, then muttered "Oh, yeah. That's why I don't let you guys read my mail."

She sat down and wrote "_To Curious- I'd tell you, but they might see it, since they've already seen your letter and are fighting on the floor as I write. Sorry, but this one's gotta go unanswered."_

As the fight behind her started to die down, Charley shifted through the pile and saw another one addressed to "Ask Charley". She opened it up and blushed immediately, seeing "_Dear Charley,_

_Do you ever masturbate while thinking of your favorite?_

_-the other curious citizen_"

Quickly, she wrote out "_To Other- Yes, but as to who's my favorite is still a closely guarded secret_." She stuffed it back in its envelope and sighed, twisting around to see the bruised threesome of mice growling at each other from opposite ends of the room.

"Boys..."

* * *

_Dear Charley,_

I've recently come back from a-ahem-forced vaction with Plutarkians, and I'm way out of shape. What do you recommend for exercise?

-Recently Returned from Plutark

To Recent,

if you're on Earth, I reccommend water exercise by swimming against a current or water treadmill. If you're not, resistance exercises such as pulling weight and pushing weight do pretty well, although you're gonna wanna watch for pulled muscles and the like.

_

* * *

__Dear Charley,  
I've got 2 questions:  
1. What is the most memorable way you've seen Limburger Tower get destroyed?  
was the scariest thing the bros have ever done?_

_-Inquisitive_

To Inquisitive,

Well, the most memorable? I remember that once, Throttle buried a few heat-seeking missiles nearby and waited a whole hour to watch the Tower's base explode and the rest fall to the ground, then the fireworks explode and spell out "FISH FRY" in the sky.

As to the scariest- all three of them literally got lit on fire once. They were wearing this skin-tight fire-resistant bodysuit crap, which prevented any real damage, but seeing Throttle, of all people, rolling around on the ground, trying to get the fire off and _screaming his lungs out _(what my daddy likes to call "Vietnam Flashbacks") was probably the most terrifying thing I've ever seen.

_

* * *

__Dear Charlie, _

_As a fan of Throttle's "hot-ness" and Vinnie's epic sense of comedic timing, I have to wonder, what the HELL does Throttle see in General Carbine? And what do you think is Vincent's funniest moment?_

_Inquisitive Minds Want To Know~_

To Inquisitive Minds,

Oh, he sees something, and it has something to do with his mother. Other than that- it's a mystery to us all.

Vinnie's funniest moment? I remember one time wherein I went bursting into the bathroom, accidentally caught Vinnie just coming out of the shower, and saw him strike a pose- and then his towel fell off.

He is not compensating for **_anything_**, just so you know.

_

* * *

__Dear Charley,  
For such flimsy looking apendages, those Martian tails seem pretty strong. Just how much can they carry with those things anyway?_

Looking For A Lift

To Looking,

It depends on the mouse, but Throttle can pull his bike on her wheels if her engine fails, and the bike's around 350-400 pounds. Modo can carry around 700, but he dislocated his tail that time.

_

* * *

__Dear Charley, I would just like to know. Who is your absolute favourite bro and why? _

_Just Wants to Know_

To Know,

That's still a secret. Why? Because Vinnie is still looking over my shoulder, that's why.

_

* * *

__Charley,_

This has been bugging me for a long time. And I never could come up with an answer. Hopefully you have it. Why do you ride with Vinnie? You look better on Throttle's bike.

Also, say hi to Throttle for me.

W. Prime

To Prime,

Three words: built in vibrator.

Also, Throttle is extremely ticklish.

_

* * *

__Give my PM inbox your tired, your sick, your unanswered letters to "Ask Charley". Please? :D_


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Charley,_

I have two questions:  
I've heard you know about Harley. First, doesn't it bother you that you have almost same name as her?  
And second, do you think they'll ever find her?

Just Wondering

To Wondering,

No- lots of people on Earth are named Charlene. I met a Sharlene once and we got along just fine. I don't really see a problem if I ever met Harley.

Well, that kind of depends on whether or not they find Mace, since he's missing too. Personally I think Harley's dead by now.. but I never postulate on this sorta thing out loud, since the Bros might hear it.

_0101010101010_

_Dear Charley, _

_Two questions here for you. How old are the bros and yourself? And why doesn't Throttle stand up for his rights and dump Carbine or is he a mama's boy like Vinnie? _

_Just Wants to Know_

To Know,

I have no idea how old the Bros are, but I'm guessing Vinnie is around 23-24 and Throttle and Modo are both 25-27 years old. Me, I'm 26 years old.

Heh! That's something we all wonder about. But let me tell you, that incident on Mars a while ago, where we were nearly executed by Carbine? She got her just dues... _in the bedroom. _I hear she couldn't sit down for three days after what Throttle did to her.

_01010101010_

_Dear Charley,_

You've seen all three bros fight and get mad, right? And Modo, despite his looks, strength and glowing 'angry eye', is about the sweetest gentlemouse on Mars, right? So... bar first meeting him, has Modo ever really, truly, honest-to-God frightened you?

~Your Friendly Neighbourhood Bamf

To Bamf,

Oh, there have been tons of times where he's scared me, but that time when he tossed me out of a window (it wasn't his fault, we were training in Martian martial arts) and then took a whole minute to calm down before he realized, "Oh hey! That was Charley I just tossed out of a window! Not a Plutarkian!"

Needless to say, I now playfight with Vinnie instead.

_01010101010_

_Dear Charley,  
_

_Which bike do you like best and why? Which bike likes you best? Have you ever ridden one of the guys' bikes by yourself? Would it let you?_

bike-girl

To bike-girl,

My favorite bike would have to be Throttle's. You may not see it much but she's extremely intelligent, as much as Lil' Hoss, but she saves it up for when people are being stupid.

Vinnie's bike (Kyu-Ayt, or q.8) likes me the best, or so I gather from the way she follows me around while Vinnie's not around. I guess Vinnie rubbed off on her or something.

It depends on what I need (speed, hauling capacity or the ability to spread a lot of stuff over a big distance) but I do "rent" the Bros' bikes out sometimes. And they love it.

_01010101010_

_Dear Charley,  
What's the best prank you ever pulled on the boys?_

Joker

To Joker,

That would have to be the time I got the bikes to let me vandalize them while the grand trio was asleep. Imagine Modo's reaction when he wakes up, checks on his bike and finds her to be pink, red and white, missing a back tire and covered in glitter. Now imagine that reaction times three to the second power. It was glorious.

_01010101010_

_Dear Charley,  
_

_Do any of your family members know about the bros? Actually, do you have any family?  
__Family researcher_

To Researcher,

My mother knows about the Bros, and thusly they're scared to hell of her.

Yes, I do have a lot of family- my parents are still alive, and so are my numerous cousins and my older twin brothers. Also, my six maternal uncles and my lavishly dressed, triplet paternal aunts. God, I love those crazy Calvin Klein-wearing women.

_01010101010_

_dear charley,_

have the bros ever seen you naked and vice versa, have you ever seen any of the bros naked?

~ crazy pink

To Pink,

Both, unfortunately, have happened- I hooked my one-piece on a log while swimming once and ripped the whole thing, and then I had to go get my clothes from Vinnie. He thought it was absolutely hysterical until I told him he wouldn't get any of my cooking for the rest of the week.

And yes- I've seen the whole trio barenaked, in Limburger Tower of all places. No explanations are forthcoming at this time, but I'm sure it had something to do with the rabidly-endowed hermaphroditic Plutarkian that'd been staying over..

_01010101010_

_Da Fountain of (almost) all answers is located in mah PM inbox. :D_


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear Charley, _

_Thank you for taking the time to answer all my questions, especially in your busy schedule. You mentioned having quite an extended family. What of the bros though, do they have any family left? I know about Modo's gray-furred mama and Rimfire. Are they the only two? _

_Just Wants to Know_

To Know,

Well, Vinnie has quite a large family from what I've heard- maybe four or five sisters and one brother, as well as his mother. Throttle never talks about his family, so I asked Carbine and she says he's either a orphan or he packed up and left at a very early age. She also mentioned something about whips, so that was the end of that line of delving.

_00000000_

_Okay so humor me.. I'm acutally just getting to know about your furry three some _

_there Ms. Davidson. So I've either purchased or borrowed most of the seasons _

_cept for the new series and the old series season finale. So I've seen _

_Throttle on occasion with out his sunglasses, which is hard. Apparently he even _

_keeps the stupid things on in the dark, but I've managed to find one or two _

_shots of him sans the stupid things. (why he covers up pretty eyes like those I _

_have no idea).Which brings me to my question. Why DOES he wear those _

_silly sunglasses all the time? Does he have trouble seeing are they like the _

_martian equivalent of the normal glasses that we have here on earth? If so then _

_what exactly IS the matter with the poor guys eyes?_

_Your Friend, Writer_

To Writer,

Throttle's eyes were destroyed in the Plutarkian War, and Doctor Karbunkle replaced them with mechanical ones- but they don't work so well. He wears the sunglasses to correct the malfunction, although I've heard from him that he can see without them in the dark.

(A/N: This occurs in the episode Once Upon a Time On Mars, which is on Youtube. Actually, a lot of episodes are on youtube.)

_00000000_

_Dear Charley,  
You get kidnapped a shocking amount of times. I know you've got to get tired of this stuff happening to you. Have you ever thought about taking self-defense classes, or enrolling in a martial art? It would do wonders for your chances at kicking bad guy butt.  
_

_signed-Martial Arts Instructor_

To Instructor,

I am looking for cheap martial arts lessons, but they're hard to find in this part of town. Besides, I rigged one of my steel-toed boots to taze someone when I press a button in the sole. 400 volts of pain applied to private areas tends to give me the upper foot. And hand.

_00000000_

_Dear Charley,  
Have any of those boys ever offered to teach you some fighting moves? No offence, but you need them. And with all the injuries you must get from all those kidnappings, has anyone ever accidently thought the boys were hurting you? I'll bet that was awkward...  
_

_signed~he only got to hit me once_

To Once,

Modo tried once, but as said in a previous issue, he had a little flashback and now Vinnie's the one who teaches me "neat tricks with his flares".

Yes, all three of them have borne nasty looks from people after severe clashes with Limburger's goons. One cashier I know pretty well even snuck a 'domestic abuse hotline' card into my grocery bags. It's a little creepy and a little sweet as well.

_00000000_

_Dear Charley,  
We've seen you shoot lasers and even fire a bazooka. Where did you learn how to do that? Not many people know which way is the muzzle on a bazooka._

signed-corporal

To Corporal,

There was once a nice old man, living in my neighborhood when I was seven. He took me down into his basement on my birthday, turned on the lights and showed me a whole new world of glorious explosions, cannons, automatic weapons, revolvers and grenades.

_00000000_

_Dear Charley_

_I seem to have developed a serious case of RSI, or as it's more recently named 'Occupational Overuse Syndrome', at the base of my tail. Could this be from hanging on the smouldering ruin of buildings owned by wealthy alien cheese fish, trees etc, or the incessant tugging by my love interest on my tail to pull me into line?_

_P.S. Modo rewrote this for me. He said I had the linguistic skills of a backland native._

_Hurting~_

To Hurting,

It's probably a case of both. You might want to think about using your hands for once instead of your tail, and advising your partner to tug on your ears or antennas (if you have them.)

00000000


	7. Chapter 7

_Dear Charley,_

_I'm having trouble finding love. What do the bros look for in a woman? Is it just about looks or do they go for personality? Also I need advice on finding someone. What do you or the bros suggest I do? _

_Can't Find Love_

(since Charley's in the shower, Modo has opted to answer your question) I know Vinnie doesn't like women who are over-sized (wider around than him, I guess that's what that means) and Throttle.. well, he's kind of not available at the moment, but here's a tip: he likes vanilla. And me? I like women who like children. Also, good cooks.

As to finding a mate- I have no idea where are good spots, but my own parents met in a bar.

_000000_

_Dear Charlie,_

_Hi again! Well, this set of questions are for the guys. Throttle: What is the absolute most hilarious, totally crazy thing you have done to Vinnie and Modo and what did they do to you that follows the same thought? _

_Modo: What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? (Say Hi to your family for me! 'Specially poor Rimfire.)_

_Vinnie: What's the craziest prank you have ever pulled, who was it on and did they get revenge?_

_Lots of love, Inquisitive._

_P.S: Rock 'n' Ride Free boys!_

To Inquisitive;

Throttle~ "Well, uhm.. I remember giving them both sex dolls for Christmas once.. Next Christmas, they unveiled a doll modelled after Carbine, complete with tattoos and glued-on muzzle and ears, and hair.. and antennas. I played target practice and blew her up. It was extremely theraputic, but they were a little shocked when they saw me dragging in the little rubbery pieces of Carbine."

Modo; "I was really, really sick once, and here I am lying in my bed at 14, missing 'Freebie Day' at the local strip club, and then Vinnie and Throttle came waltzing in and five girls wearing stripper coture were behind said that he'd blown his whole college savings hiring them to come out and 'cure' me. It was worth it."

Vinnie, "I messed up Charley's sandwich once- stuck some Angry Welt sauce, rated 300,000 on the Scoville scale, under the cheese. She got back at me by somehow stuffing cajun spices into our hot dogs. It burned."

_000000_

_Dear Charley,  
Has Stoker ever come on to you and meant it? I think you'd make a cute couple!_

Matchmaker

To Matchmaker,

He probably has meant it a few times, and then it went straight over my head. I know him though- if he starts getting frustrated he'll probably just show up at my front door and flash me or something.

_000000_

_Dear Charley,  
Throttle, Modo, and Vinnie are some of the best friends you'll ever see. Do you have any girl friends like that?  
_

_~BFF's unite!_

To Unite,

I used to be on awesome terms with the local Amazons gang, but they moved out of town when Limburger came in. Now I just pour my heart out to Lil' Hoss.

_000000_

_Dear Charley,_

Vinnie flirts with you quite a bit, does he flirt with other girls as well? Does Throttle and/or Modo flirt you, even if it's just playful banter?

~ Just Wants To Know

To Know,

The first question's kind of a no-brainer- he flirts with damn near anything that he's sure can flirt back.

Modo does flirt with me, in the form of staring at my ass even when I turn around to ask him what he wants. Throttle usually doesn't flirt much, but with that voice it's kind of hard to tell when he's _not, _especially when he gets close to your ear and whispers. When he does flirt with me, it usually comes out as what I can only describe as "raepface".

_000000_

_Dear Charley:  
Have you ever heard the bros properly try to sing in tune?  
What is the most embarressing thing the mice have found in your cupboards?_

_Finally, favorite movie?_

-_Curious Mind Wants To Know_

To Curious Mind,

I have, and they're damn good when they're really trying hard, but Throttle is still the best. Sorry, Vinnie.

They did find my Peter North willy once.. it's kind of hard to explain to a bunch of aliens why you have a plastic genital next to the coffee filters, much less why it says "Authentic Peter North Mould" on the bottom. Modo couldn't look at me straight for days.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, and if you say it's a terrible movie I will hunt you down and make you watch Austin Powers until your eyes bleed.

000000

_Next chapter: Charley goes on vacation and the villians hijack the mail! Ever had a nagging personal question about Limburger, Karbunkle or some other villianous character? Here's your chance to have it answered!_

_And remember: any letters directed to Carbine will be sent back. _


	8. Chapter 8

_To Limburger,_

_Which of the bikermice do you find to be the most dangerous and frustrating? And have you ever tried going on a diet? _

_Just Wants to Know_

That leader, Throttle's his name? Yes, he's the most frustrating. If it weren't for him, they'd have fallen like a pack of cards under my guns by now.

Hell no. The women find my fat sexy~

00000000

_Dear Limburger  
Have you ever heard anyone, even secretly, admit that Plutark has screwed half the cosmos over?  
_Oh, yes. It's a widely known and acknowledged fact on Plutark.

_What has been the most heart breaking destruction of your tower to date?_

There was this one time where those goddamn Biker Mice managed to blow it up.. with my new pet inside. That was a 2000-gold-gill guard monster, and I didn't even get my money back!_  
_

_When is Australia going to get invaded?_

What makes you think we aren't invading it already?_  
_

_You try taking Uluru; the largest Sandstone Monolith in the world, I will personally hunt you down and kill you!_

I've never heard of Uluru. Thanks for telling me about it, I'll get on shipping to it Plutark right away.

00000000

_Limburger: the amount of times your building has been destroyed, wouldn't it be easier to stop and settle down somewhere in the country, or at least upgrade your building structure and make it stronger?  
_

I need a base from which I can see what I want to destroy. Also: imagine nuclear bombs... without the fallout. That's what the best Martian technology is like. And that's also what those damn mice like to plant in my little personal cheese factory while I'm asleep.

_Karbunkle: with all the evil experiments you have performed, what was your best? And are you scared that the freedom fighters will find you and take revenge?  
_

I have to say, that one with the mechanical arm? That was the most complex surgery I've ever done. Don't let the photos fool you, that is a very intricate piece of machinery connected to a very intricate piece of hardware in that mouse's brain (which is why his eye glows, by the way.)

Now why do you think I've latched myself onto Limburger? His bodyguards are mine.

_Greasepit: have you ever been to school anywhere? whats your favorite flower? and can you even read this?  
_

Duhwhat?

_everyone: which mouse do you hate the most and why?  
_

STOKER. _  
_

_from Crazy pink_

00000000

_Next chapter: Things go back to normal. Also, Rimfire might pop in randomly._


	9. Chapter 9

_Dear Rimfire, _

_In 'Once Upon a Time on Mars', you showed off some awesome moves that looked a lot like some style of martial arts. What kind of style is it? Is it a Martian style, or an Earth style? _

_signed~ Tae Kwon Do Cutie_

To Cutie,

Actually, it's both- part my grandfathers' style, part Chuck Norris style, and a little Jackie Chan thrown in for pizzaz.

_000000_

_Question: _

_How did Throttle react to the 'rapeface' comment? And you've managed _

_to go on holiday with the guys, where to/ funny happenings while there?_

_~Curious Person_

To Person,

He raised a eyebrow and moved on. Carbine's said things that are a lot worse without making him even bat a eyelash.

Oh, yeah.. we went to Florida once. That was interesting. Disturbed was having a concert down there and Modo managed to mooch ticket money out of the public by stripping. And then there was the first time they were introduced to grills.. which ended up kind of explosion-y.

_0000000_

_Dear Charley,_

_Why don't the biker mice ever wear shirts, even though they look absolutely sexy, especially Throttle? Don't they have any other clothes other than the ones that they always wear?_

_Just Wants to Know_

To Know,

Regular sweaters and shirts don't go that well with fur. Also, anything containing polyester makes Vinnie's skin break out in what can only be called ingrown acne.

They do have organic-cotton shirts, though, and of course they all have sweaters for winter. Throttle even has a knitted shawl he puts on occasionally.

000000


	10. Chapter 10

_Dear Charley,_

Is it possible now for you to tell us who your favourite mouse is? I bet it's Throttle, he's just so darn gorgeous. Too bad he's with that witch. Just so he knows I am single ;). Would you actually ever think of ever dating a Martian?

Just Wants to Know

To Know,

Nope, still keeping it a precious secret, sorry..

I have thought about asking one of the mice out on a date, though. Thought being the operative word here- it's one of those weird things where you don't wanna mess things up, but at the same time you know it'd probably be awesome. Eggghh. Stupid feelings.

0000

Charlene blinked, and then grinned evilly as she read the newest letter in her inbox. She got up from her desk and went down the hall, peeking into the guest bedroom. All three Mice were visiting, and this latest question was just too funny to pass up humiliating them with it.

She headed back to her desk and sat down, took in a deep breath and then read out loud:

"Dear Charley,

Have the bros ever _like_-liked each other?"

She paused, and heard them turn down the TV.

"'Also, why do you keep turning Vinnie down? He seems pretty sweet sometimes.

from Give Him A Chance.'"

"Yeah, babe! Why _do _you keep turning me- Oof!"

"Shut up!" Throttle hissed, pinning Vinnie down on the floor with a hand over the white mouse's mouth.

Charley couldn't help her gut-wracking laugh, or falling off her chair in sheer amusement.

It took nearly five minutes for her to straighten herself out, and then she got back up onto the chair and typed a reply.

To Chance-

As far as I know, they don't have any sort of sexual attraction towards one another (I will, however, keep tight reins on Vinnie if a clone of him shows up. No, I'm kidding! :p). There was one particular shower incident where I caught the three of them bathing together, but they were all wearing swim trunks so. They sleep together, too, just so you know. It's adorable. I've taken pictures.

And Vinnie? I don't want another Rodney Van Hamm on my hands, is one reason. The other is that I'd rather have him make the first move, because I'd then think that he was really, really serious. You know, despite all his posturing, he's not that good with women. I have it from reliable sources that he's only had three girlfriends in his adult life.

ooooOOOO

Sorry for not updating! I got into Transformers, and then Hellboy, and I wasn't getting in enough letters anyways to make a nice chapter.

Remember: PMs only, no reviews will be answered.


	11. Chapter 11

**Please do not submit your questions as a review. **I can make a few exceptions, but c'mon, people. Have some decency, you'll make me cry.

0000

_Dear Charley,_

I was wondering,why doesn't anyone ask about Modo? Isn't he like the "big brother" of the team? Always making sure his friends aren't getting seriously hurt. And he's ALWAYS making sure you don't get hurt. I'd hate to see him sad. I know you would too.

also, if Throttle doesn't get rid of Carbine and find a REAL woman, I'm gonna shave him bald and then take pictures of him. Naked. :D

_From Wolf-chan_

To Wolf-chan,

I know. He seems like the third wheel sometimes, but he's fine with that. Fame isn't really his thing.

Hey, now, let's not torture Throttle too much. I'm sure he has his reasons for staying with Carbine.

Although with a fan club as big as his, I'd have left her by now (hey, he could have a whole damn harem!), but that's just my opinion.

0000

_Dear Charley,  
Have you and/or the bros ever listened to or watched Pink Floyd's The Wall?  
What is the wierdest dream you or the bros have had?  
What is the best strategy for demolishing Limburger's Tower?_

_~Laloo_

To Laloo,

Not that I can remember. I'm not sure the bros even know who Pink Floyd is..

My wierdest dream was that I was trapped inside a watermelon and turned into an artichoke. Note to self: never sugar crash just before bed. Ever.

As for the bros- they don't really discuss their dreams (that's a Martian thing, I think..) but Throttle talks in his sleep occasionally, and I overheard him chattering about something-something-coffee.

The best strategy? Smuggling bombs disguised as food. We only do that when we really, really need the Tower blown up, because it's much less flashy that way. Just a little waiting, and then POOM. No fireworks, no bugles, no vuvuzelas. So boring..

0000

_Dear Charley,_

We see that the bros are very close. Do they argue often? And if so, who ends up on the losing end? Do Modo and Vinnie ever get sick of Throttle's orders? I can imagine it might wear a bit thin at times..

Stubborn-But-Curious

To Curious,

Not often, but there have been times when one (or two, in a very rare and memorable case) of them have come over to my place to stay for a few nights. Usually when they have a disagreement they play-fight it out or flee to my place and wait for the fireworks to end. Most of the time it's Throttle's fault anyways, and he ends up apologizing and getting his helmet bashed in for his troubles. I must say, when they fight with each other, they don't take it that seriously.

I have occasionally heard them arguing with Throttle about who's in charge- he is officially a higher rank than them, but by very little, which is why he's usually so democratic with them. He knows better than to swing his weight around all the time, but everybody's got their place and he's at the top.

0000


	12. Chapter 12

_Dear Charley,_

What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever seen the bros do? I imagine with all the traveling they've done, they've got some awesome stories. Speaking of all that traveling, you ever hear about guys with a 'girl in every port'? You know, when a guy has a girl from every place he's been. Think Vinnie might have done something like that? Oooh. Even worse, do you think any of them ever might have fathered a kid on a different planet? Since they lost the Thunderpipe coming to Earth, and a lack of real interplanetary communications system on Earth, they might not have been able to be reached by any baby momma that happened.

signed,

Wondering Baby Momma

To Wondering,

The most embarrassing thing? That would have to be the infamous nudity screen incident, of which I've been instructed not to speak of until all three of the guys are off planet.

I don't think Vinnie's the type to have a girl in every port- but if I remember correctly, Modo's left behind a few broken hearts on Mars, Saturn, a "nice little resort called Aquilla-9", and let's not forget "Bobette" from Fienna. He has pictures of that one. Dis-turb-ing as all hell.

I think Vinnie was actually scammed into believing he'd fathered a kid on Romulus once (no, not the Star Trek Romulus), but it turned out to be a hoax. I'm not 100% sure though, since it was Stoker who told me that, and he was incredibly drunk at the time.

0000

_Dear Charley,_

Do Martians have monster legends on their world? Earth is loaded with stories about vampires, werewolves, lake monsters, stuff like that. Do the bros ever tell you stories about that kind of thing? Do they ever tell you about Martian culture?

signed,

Ann the Ologist

To Ann,

Oh, they have hundreds of legends, most of which are rehashings of actual Martian creatures (interestingly enough, the Saber Squid didn't exist on Mars before Earth year 1697). There's one particularly intruiging one about a fourth species on Mars that died out around Earth year 1559, called the Epokar. Nobody's really sure about whether or not it's true, but if it was, it might explain why the ecosystem weakened...

Modo likes to capitulate about a horned creature called the "Mystostapea", which is kind of Martian science's platypus (it can survive in air and water, lays eggs and then nurses its young, and has the average intelligence of a dolphin). His daddy had one as a pet when he was little, but they're endangered now.

No, they don't tell me, they let me make a fool out of myself (such as the time a doctor came here, gave me the traditional Martian greeting consisting of a forehead butt, and I smacked him upside the head). _Then_, after laughing their asses off, they tell me. Jerks.

0000

_Dear Charley, _

_I was wondering if Vinnie was hiding his gayishness by being too macho? because it's not going too well when he tries to flirt with you._

_From the Noisy-Daisy_

To Noisy-Daisy,

I can assure you, Vinnie is in no way, shape or form attracted to the male sex. How do I know? I've been privy to a few secrets from Stoker, including the time that a incredibly gay Army soldier attempted to grab Vinnie's antennae (which, on Mars, is the gay equivalent of fondling asscheeks). I'm told that Army soldier now has a permanent kink in his nose thanks to Vinnie.

0000

_Dear Charley_

_what do the bros think about Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? Throttle is practically a member of them now, with his green bike. _

_From yellow ass-ranger_

To Yellow,

We don't get that channel.

And what green bike? ^.^

0000

_Dear Charley_

_Is Modo available, is he on the market? I'm his biggest fan, I just love him SOOO much, tell him I absolutely adore children, do you think he would consider me as a choice?_

_From Ultimate Fangirl_

To Fangirl,

Unfortunately no, he is not on the market. He took himself off after suffering injuries from a stampede.

0000

**Send your letters through PM, please. :D**


End file.
